Playing with Guns

You shouldn't play with guns, unless you do it the way "Jim" apparently did.

His gun play -- a (seemingly) satirical petition at change.org -- has enveloped the looming Republican National Convention in Cleveland this summer in awkward surrealism and forced the three Republican presidential candidates to duck for cover from their own words.

The petition, posted by Hyperationalist, who later identified himself to certain curious reporters as a proponent of gun sanity named Jim, demanded that the Quicken Loans Arena, where the convention will be held, lift its ban on guns in the building and that the Republican National Committee explain "how a venue so unfriendly to Second Amendment rights" was chosen for the convention.

"We are all too familiar with the mass carnage that can occur when citizens are denied their basic God-given rights to carry handguns or assault weapons in public," the petition reads. "EVERY AMERICAN HAS THE RIGHT TO PROTECT AND DEFEND THEIR FAMILY. With this irresponsible and hypocritical act of selecting a 'gun-free zone' for the convention, the RNC has placed its members, delegates, candidates and all US citizens in grave danger.

We must take a stand. We cannot allow the national nominating convention of the party of Lincoln and Reagan to be hijacked by weakness and political correctness. The policies of the Quicken Loans Arena do not supersede the rights given to us by our Creator in the U.S. Constitution.

The petition has garnered over 50,000 signatures and forced responses from the Secret Service and the three candidates, all of whom had stood four-square against gun-free zones as dangerous invitations for terrorists and psychos to have a little fun. Donald Trump, the king of nuanced restraint, described such zones as "target practice for the sickos and for the mentally ill."

Oh, bluster! In the World's Greatest Pseudo-Democracy that is America, presidential candidates can say anything they want because it's all a show, it's all a game. Our quadrennial presidential election has essentially nothing to do with reality because the country is run by a military-industrial corporatocracy which has, over the last seven decades, constructed a parallel infrastructure that can't be touched by "the people." This has given the Republicans, in particular, plenty of leeway to pander for votes with policy positions and vacuous blather that appeal at the level of junior high consciousness. But the blather is only supposed to travel in one direction.

So when it bounced back, in the form of a satirical but real-seeming petition demanding that guns and "Second Amendment rights" be allowed inside the Quicken Loans Arena, the Secret Service had to step parentally into the controversy and declare: uh, no way. Guns not allowed. And the glorious three, Trump, Cruz and Kasich, all quietly repressed their guns-R-us bombast and acceded to the Secret Service ruling. In the real world, that's what made sense.

"I'm 100 percent genuine in my belief that they should be able to have guns at their convention," the mysterious Jim told Rolling Stone. "It's consistent with state law, and if people who go to movie theaters and malls and shopping places and restaurants have the quote-unquote 'protection' of the open-carrying citizens around them, well, I think the GOP should have the same...

"I'm fighting for their rights by taking them at face value."

He also brought up the awkward possibility that gun-saturated societies are on a dangerous hair-trigger -- that open carry actually increases the possibility of violence -- in which case, why is safety a greater concern at the Republican convention than elsewhere in Ohio? "Is there some variation," he wondered, "in the value of life between presidential candidates, like Donald Trump, and the 7-year-old girl at McDonalds? I'm not sure I understand how they account for that distinction."

So we have yet another layer of surrealism contextualizing the 2016 presidential race. This isn't what's supposed to be happening. It's supposed to be Hillary vs. Jeb and business as usual continues unchallenged, with a wall still separating real America from pseudo-democratic, reality-TV America. We the voters are supposed to remain safely ensconced in our role not as participants in the country's future but as consumers of our favorite brand of election-year bullshit.

We're not supposed to notice that our leaders (and our secret leaders) have no interest in transitioning to a globally cooperative, environmentally sustainable way of being on this planet. We're not supposed to notice that the U.S. military budget remains unchallenged or that our world grows increasingly dangerous as our wars against terror and evil continue unabated.

And even if we do notice, we're supposed to surrender to cynicism and shrug that nothing can be done about it.

And then, I guess, we're supposed to arm ourselves. But I say there's a difference between being armed and being empowered. Just ask Jim.

Robert Koehler is an award-winning, Chicago-based journalist and nationally syndicated writer. Contact him at koehlercw@gmail.com or visit his website at commonwonders.com.

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Six Chicago Teachers' Voices: The Pros and Cons of the Day of Action

At a time when the Chicago Teacher's Union is planning a one-day strike, it's important to remember that while we as teachers may support or oppose the strategy of a Day of Action, we're united by a common set of values around education. We believe that education opens the door to opportunity, and that this door needs to be open whether students live in Lawndale or Little Village, Englewood or Edgewater. We believe that every child deserves a well-trained, effective teacher. And we believe that funding challenges are limiting our city's ability to serve all of its students well. We are aligned on these values - even if we have different ideas about how to achieve them.

We Support the Day of Action:
While jailed for protesting segregation, Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote, "We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people." We are proud that the Chicago Teachers Union has refused to stay silent. The CTU's House of Delegates has voted in support of a 1-day strike on April 1st. This Day of Action is about putting students first. On April 1, Chicago's K-12 educators, college professors, community organizations, labor organizations, and others will stand together to collectively raise an alarm that the citizens of this state can no longer ignore. In the last three years, Chicago has closed 50 schools, cut hundreds of staff members, and frozen teacher pay. Many of our schools lack art classes, after school enrichment, or sports. The city and state are selling out the future of our children by refusing to embrace and argue for additional revenues.

Chicago Public Schools is broke and has exhausted its capacity to borrow. There are two possible paths forward for the district: 1) severe staffing cuts, dramatic increases in class sizes, and more neighborhoods torn apart by school closure; or 2) serious revenue solutions like a progressive income tax. We oppose any solution that does not include additional revenue because of the dramatic effects it will have on our students.

What's more, our recent graduates are now at risk of dropping out of college due to decimated state funding, including suspension of MAP grants. These cuts mean that students have less access to career choices, are less marketable, less competitive, and are less likely to have upward mobility. That is a future we cannot accept for our students, and that is why we support the April 1st Day of Action.

- Casey Fuess (Robert Lindblom Math & Science Academy)
- Andrea Parker (Robert Fulton Elementary)
- Jim Staros (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr College Prep)

We Oppose a One-Day Strike:
We believe that the Chicago Teachers Union wants to do what is right for Chicago's children, but that the union's tactics are misguided. Our schools are severely underfunded, and we believe that CTU wants to protest against the decisions of city and state leaders that threaten our students' education. However, we are concerned that the lack of clarity around the Day of Action will cost us the support of many teachers and the public - because we fear that the public will wonder, as we do, what the purpose of the Day of Action truly is.

First, there has been no clarity about whether teachers are sending a message to CPS or the state. Is CTU protesting against a reduction in the pension pickup, the declaration of three furlough days, or state underfunding? Second, while CTU originally stated that the purpose of the Day of Action is to protest the furlough, it is illogical for this day to fall a week after the furlough. Why not protest on the furlough day itself, or on our professional development day on April 8, and avoid another day that students miss school? Finally, the union has also stated the purpose of the strike is to protest the state's inability to fund its schools adequately. We agree, but then wonder: why we are we protesting in Chicago and not Springfield?

Moreover, we are concerned about the long-term consequences of tit-for-tat and politically-charged actions, particularly at a time when the district and the union are facing a common challenge. The heart of the problem lies with inadequate local and state school funding, and with pension inequity. At this point in our state budget stalemate, creating a unified front to protest at lawmakers' doors will highlight the role that the state has played in underfunding education at every level, from kindergarten through college. We support a unified protest in the state's capital with other unions--and even with CPS -- to fund the education that our students deserve.

- Gina Caneva (Robert Lindblom Math & Science Academy)
- Paige Nilson (Alexander Hamilton Elementary)
- Alexander Kmicikewycz (Gwendolyn Brooks College Preparatory Academy)

While we six teachers differ on whether the union should proceed with the Day of Action, we are unified in recognizing that the current situation cannot continue without hurting the students we serve. Teachers should be at the table to help find an answer to the district's precarious finances, building a coalition to apply pressure on both the city and the state to create sustainable funding solutions. We must stand together to reject separate and unequal educational opportunities. All children--no matter the color of their skin or the wealth of their parents--deserve adequately-resourced schools.

The teachers are Fellows and alumni of Teach Plus Teaching Policy Fellowship.

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Cop Charged With Murdering Laquan McDonald Finds New Job With Police Union

A local police union has hired the officer facing murder charges in the shooting of Laquan McDonald, outraging police accountability advocates and setting up a potential showdown with the city's new police chief.

Jason Van Dyke, the white police officer indicted for first-degree murder in the October 2014 shooting death of McDonald, a black 17-year-old carrying a small knife, is working as a janitor and performing odd jobs at the headquarters of the Fraternal Order of Police, according to news reports.

Van Dyke is suspended from the police force without pay. The job at the FOP pays him $12 an hour, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

“We do this for our membership and this is what the FOP stands for, fraternalism. This officer is in a very difficult situation, financially, he has a family and we would do it for anybody that works as a Chicago police officer,” Dean Angelo Sr., president of the Chicago FOP, told Chicago's Fox 32 news channel.

The union has “probably” either directly employed or found jobs for 100 officers deprived of their pay for an infraction, Angelo told the Sun-Times.

Chicago activists fighting to end perceived impunity for police officers who kill unarmed black men immediately responded to Van Dyke’s hiring with anger and disbelief.

The F.O.P. just declared war with the people of Chicago. The ultimate slap in the face is to hire a man who shot a child sixteen times

— Jedidiah Brown (@livelifefreed) March 31, 2016

Protesters called for Angelo's resignation as FOP president and the immediate firing of Van Dyke. At a press conference Thursday, they broke into a chant by megaphone: "Who's gotta go? Dean Angelo!" 

Jedidiah Brown, a community leader active in recent police accountability protests, said a protest is planned outside the FOP at 7:30 p.m. Eastern time Thursday. He was unsure of the number of people or groups who would attend, since the protest had been hastily organized, he told The Huffington Post.

“We’re reaching out to organizations and people expressing outrage over his hiring to give voice to the citizens who feel affected by this,” Brown said.

Father Michael Pfleger, a longtime community activist and pastor of St. Sabina church on the city’s South Side, also said Angelo should resign. He called Van Dyke’s hiring a “disgrace.”

“This is an insult. It’s arrogant. It’s the reason we have broken relationships between police now and the community,” Pfleger said. “You take this horrific case that turned the city upside down and now you take us back to ground zero again.”

The Catholic priest said that the police union could have found Van Dyke a job elsewhere if it wanted to help him.

“If I hired someone at the church here who was indicted for killing a cop, they’d have ate me up,” Pfleger added. 

He said he was not sure if he would be able to attend the protest, however.

News of Van Dyke’s comes as Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel (D) seeks to restore trust in the city’s police force and improve his political standing in the process. Emanuel appointed Eddie Johnson as the city’s interim police chief on Sunday, rejecting the candidates recommended by the city’s police board. Appointing Johnson, an African-American veteran of the Chicago police force, as interim chief makes it easier for the mayor to keep him in the top job permanently, should he choose to do so.

Pfleger said he has spoken to Johnson several times and believes he understands the need to rebuild relations between police and the community. But the police union's hiring of Van Dyke “kicks the new police chief in the face,” Pfleger said.

Brown called the Van Dyke controversy Johnson’s “first major test.”

“I am pressuring him to speak to the citizens about their concerns that Van Dyke is being hired even though he shot the young man 16 times,” Brown said. “He has to speak to the heartbeat of it. He will either validate or invalidate further his appointment with what he does in this situation.”

The Chicago Police Department declined to comment, referring requests to the FOP. Angelo did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

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72 Illinois Municipal Managers Made More Than Any U.S. Governor in 2015

A new report featured in Forbes Magazine found 72 city managers of relatively small municipalities in Illinois are paid more than the governors of every state.

Open the Books' annual "Big Dogs" salary report on local government looks not only at city or village managers, but also employees of water districts, park districts, forest preserves and counties, to name a few.

Forbes contributor and founder of OpenTheBooks.com, Adam Andrzejewski, says the results of this year's report are the "most jaw-dropping ever."

From the report:

At a time when many are complaining about Washington, D.C., our data shows that states and local units of government need a lot more scrutiny. That's especially true in Illinois where corruption is our number one manufactured product.

In Illinois, 72 small-town city and village managers out-earn every governor of the 50 states. Another 111 local employees of water districts, airport districts, park districts, counties, forest preserves, mass transit districts, health clinics and planning districts also earn more than the 50 governors ($180,000).

Here are the Top 10 city and village managers in Illinois with the highest pensionable salaries in 2015, according to Andrzejewski.

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Here's Why Blago's 14-Year Prison Sentence Should Be Reduced

OPINION

Tuesday's Reboot Illinois Daily Tip-Off email contained a mention of the Chicago Sun-Times editorial headlined, "Time to rethink Blago's prison time," which advocated for reducing former Gov. Rod Blagojevich's 14-year sentence.

Blagojevich is due to be re-sentenced after a federal appeals court threw out five of his 18 convictions last summer and, on Monday, the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear his appeal that all 18 convictions be vacated. The Sun-Times editorial prompted this response from a Daily Tip-Off subscriber:

"Apparently the editorial piece writer on former Gov Rod doesn't understand what a deterrent is meant to do - stupid folks need stronger measures."

That reader is not alone. The Chicago Tribune, in its editorial following the Supreme Court denial, hinted at advocating a longer sentence for the unrepentant Blagojevich:

(T)he 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Chicago ... noted that the evidence against Blagojevich was "overwhelming" and that "it is not possible to call (a sentence of) 168 months unlawfully high." That leaves open the possibility that (Judge James) Zagel could increase the sentence if he thinks it's appropriate.

Speaking as someone who had a fairly good seat throughout the grand spectacle of Blagojevich's six-year reign of error over state government, I have two thoughts on this topic.

1. There is no sentence, no matter how long, cruel or unusual, that would deter someone like Rod Blagojevich from using his position for the betterment of himself. The wiretap evidence at his trial showed a man who viewed the world as existing to serve and exalt him. He was annoyed that he was "stuck" being governor and had laughably grandiose visions of himself as a member of a presidential cabinet.

To me, his blatant effort to shake down a horse track owner for a $100,000 campaign contribution was more egregious than his attempted auction of Barack Obama's Senate seat. The Senate seat sale, while more spectacular, was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The racetrack bribe was run-of-the-mill graft that could be committed over and over by a man who prided himself on political fundraising.

2. Blagojevich's 14-year sentence was too long.

I accept the deterrence argument advanced by those who disagree. It's logical: If Blagojevich wasn't deterred by his predecessor George Ryan's six-and-a-half-year sentence on corruption charges, then the court had to up the ante to prevent another Rod Blagojevich.

And by the time Blagojevich was sentenced in 2011 (he began serving his sentence almost exactly four years ago), he had become a despicable character. He spent his pre-trial months on the talk and reality show circuit, apparently unaware of the difference between celebrity and infamy.

He never took responsibility for his actions and remained petulant to the end.

But George Ryan's crimes included creating an environment of corruption that, ultimately, led to the deaths of six children in an accident involving a truck driver who obtained his license through a bribe. Ryan got six-and-a-half years. I can't rectify Blagojevich's corruption warranting more than twice that.

That's a simplistic take on sentencing and our judicial system, I know, but I can't shake the feeling that Blagojevich's sentence crossed the line between justice and vengeance.

UPDATE: Federal prosecutors announced March 30 that they will not re-try Blagojevich on the five vacated charges. It's now up to U.S. District Judge James Zagel to schedule a re-sentencing date.

NEXT ARTICLE: Illinois delegates for Donald Trump fear lack of leadership will hurt him at RNC

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It's Not Just Police Shooting Scandals: Why Prosecutors Across The Country Are Finally Losing Elections

During Chicago's most recent Election Day, voters made it clear to the top prosecutor of the nation's second-largest county that it was time to start packing. 

Anita Alvarez, the state's attorney for Cook County who had waited more than a year to indict the officer who shot 17-year-old Laquan McDonald, lost her bid for re-election that night -- badly. In Ohio, so did Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Timothy McGinty, who had declined to indict the cop who shot 12-year-old Tamir Rice.

Criminal justice reform groups hailed the unseating of two prosecutors who had bungled major police shooting cases as an important win. "This could be a sea change and might mean that prosecutors might become more accountable to the public," Daniel Medwed, a Northeastern University law professor specializing in criminal law, said via email. "This is largely attributable to Black Lives Matter and the attention paid to prosecutorial decisions about how to proceed."

Alvarez and McGinty's defeats were certainly notable. On average, incumbent prosecutors win re-election 95 percent of the time (in districts with more than 100,000 voters, like Cook and Cuyahoga counties, the rate dips to 90 percent). They win re-election slightly more often than state lawmakers, according to a study from Ohio State University's law school. Between 55 and 80 percent of the time, prosecutors run for re-election unopposed.

Yet while reform groups targeted both Alvarez and McGinty because of high-profile national scandals, this only partially explains why the two prosecutors lost.

In fact, some experts now say that a string of incumbent defeats across the country suggests it doesn't take a Black Lives Matter-specific flashpoint for voters to reject incumbent prosecutors. For many DAs, their longstanding embrace of tough-on-crime policies is reason enough.

"DAs almost never lose elections," said John Pfaff, a professor at Fordham University's law school. "And now they’re starting to."

While Pfaff says McGinty's ouster was "entirely a rejection for his failure to prosecute Tamir Rice's shooter," Alvarez had a history of advancing harsh and seemingly vindictive policies during her tenure. 

But Pfaff cites the defeats of two prosecutors in the deep South as even more revealing examples of how voters are beginning to reject a decades-old approach to crime along with the incumbents themselves.

In November, Mississippi voters sacked District Attorney Forrest Allgood after 27 years in office. The Washington Post described Allgood as "one of America's worst prosecutors" due to his aggressive prosecutions against vulnerable defendants, including a 13-year-old boy and an intellectually disabled young woman. Both convictions were overturned. 

"Allgood lost to someone smarter on crime, less tough on crime," Pfaff said. "That's a much more promising trend."

In Louisiana's Caddo Parish, which includes Shreveport, acting District Attorney Dale Cox faced such long odds that he pulled out of the race before the November election. Cox, who was in and out of the district attorney's office for thirty years, established a shockingly high record of capital murder convictions: Caddo Parish is home to roughly five percent of the state's population, but accounts for a third of the state's death sentences -- several of which have been overturned. 

That's a sign of a major shift in public sentiment. In the 1980s and 1990s, when crime rates were significantly higher than they are today, prosecutors embraced policies like "three strikes" laws and mandatory minimum sentences. Then-Vice President George H.W. Bush's thumping of Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis in the 1988 presidential election stood for years as a clear signal to elected officials that being tough on crime was a key to victory. 

During a 1996 speech on crime at New Hampshire’s Keene State College, then-first lady Hillary Clinton infamously invoked the term "super predator," a junk science term that predicted a wave of fearless, brutal, amoral juveniles who would kill, rape or steal without remorse.

As crime rates have declined, however, prosecutors have been slow to adjust to the new reality. "They retained those policies even as crime was falling, which makes it hard to justify those policies now," Pfaff said. 

Accusing your opponent of being "soft on crime" "no longer seems to be the dependable political cudgel it once was," reported the online journalism nonprofit The Marshall Project last year. 

Rob Smith, a senior fellow at Harvard Law School’s Charles Hamilton Houston Institute for Race and Justice, also notes that local prosecutors have become more visible thanks to increased media coverage of incidents like the Laquan McDonald shooting. Consequently, the public is becoming more aware of the unilateral decision-making power they wield.

"Prosecutors have a lot discretion over what crimes they charge," Smith said. "There’s a saying that a jury can indict a ham sandwich. But if you can indict a ham sandwich, why can’t you indict a cop who killed a kid?" 

There’s a saying that a jury can indict a ham sandwich. But if you can indict a ham sandwich, why can’t you indict a cop who killed a kid?
Rob Smith, Charles Hamilton Houston Institute for Race and Justice

That doesn't mean putting lots of people in prison has fallen completely out of favor, Pfaff noted. County prosecutors may still find support for such tactics in the suburban parts of their district. 

"Suburbs feel the benefits of the city being safer," he said. "They feel the risk of drugs coming their neighborhood being kept at bay, they feel safer when they commute to work in the city … but they don’t feel the costs of that enforcement." 

The result, Pfaff said, is that "we sort of allow the suburbs to have a say in how policing affects the city."

Mariame Kaba, who has backed an array of racial justice, anti-criminalization and anti-violence organizations in Chicago for nearly three decades, cites Cook County as a prime example of suburban voters' influence on urban policy.

"You see this divide over city and suburbs: Suburbs love 'tough on crime' because it doesn’t affect them," she says. "To them, it’s black and brown people who are running wild and need a firm hand to tamp them down."

Suburban voters will continue to have disproportionate power in prosecutor elections, Pfaff said. But, he added, the Black Lives Matter movement has proved to be a powerful entry point for increasing support for various criminal justice reform issues. 

Many more district attorneys who have prosecuted aggressively and punitively will be replaced in the next five years, Smith predicts.

"I think you’re going to see a lot more progressive candidates running for office, you're going to a see a lot of places with more contested elections, and see more places where an incumbent prosecutor is ousted," he said. 

Pfaff believes that even in places like Maricopa County, Arizona, or Harris County, Texas -- both notorious for their tough-on-crime approach -- more-engaged voters could soon rein in aggressive prosecutors.  

"We could be on the precipice of one of the most important changes in history about how the state and individuals interact with each other," Pfaff said. 

Just four weeks ago, voters in Corpus Christi, Texas, voted out Mark Skurka, the county district attorney. Skurka and his office had been accused of misconduct, which Pfaff said "appalled" voters and local journalists alike. 

"A tattooed defense lawyer ran against him in the primary and won," Pfaff said. "I think that’s powerful."

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What To Really Expect When You're Expecting. The Lost Chapters.

When I was a little girl I always dreamed of getting married and having kids. I wanted to have five kids. I just couldn't wait to be a mom. I thought it would be so fun and that I'd be really good at it.

When I was pregnant with my kids I read every single what to expect book there was out there. I was prepared. Knowledge is power and I was full of both.

All the books I read were great, but I think they forgot a few chapters. When I look at my life now, it doesn't seem like anything I have ever read about. I mean, like, not even close. So I took it upon myself to add a few chapters.

Chapter 1: "So You Had Four Kids in Four Years, What the F Were You Thinking?"

Clearly, thinking wasn't our strong suit. There was no actual thought involved. There was, however, plenty of alcohol and poor decision making.

A picture popped up on my Facebook page the other day. It was of my three oldest kids when we brought our third home from the hospital. This picture scares the bajaysus out of me. The scariest part is that we brought home another baby fourteen months later. How in God's name we thought to get pregnant again with three freaking diapered babies at home I'll never know.



It's all just such a blur. I remember truly loving every second of it. But when I see this picture now, I have a full on panic attack.

Nothing can prepare you for the looks you get in public. Nothing can prepare you for the comments people feel obligated to make. Perfect strangers commenting about your blatant lack of birth control. Total randoms expressing their sheer horror in the way you've decided to space your offspring.

I used to look at these people and think they were so rude. I used to think that they were the crazy ones. But I am now one of those people.

Chapter 2 "Your Fourth Child is Born Missing a Chromosome, So Your First Three Kids Will Now Be Neglected"

It's just the reality of it. When you get that kind of diagnosis your entire life is flipped upside down. Every waking moment is spent focused on that one kid. It's only natural.

Your other children learn to fend for themselves. It's survival of the fittest. Until the day comes when you realize you still have four kids and not just one. And then you have to play catch up. Like when you meet your friends at the bar and everyone is already drunk. It's really, really hard.

The day eventually comes that you realize no one can tie their own shoes. Except the kid missing the chromosome. No one can count. Except the kid missing the chromosome. No one can do a somersault or hop on one foot. Except the kid missing the chromosome.

Whoopsies.

But it's okay. Turns out it's even better therapy to have the kid missing the chromosome teach the others how to do everything. Money cannot buy these types of services.

Chapter 3 "You Have Two Gender Creative Kids, Good Luck With That"

You give birth to healthy kids. They are adorable and are meeting all of their milestones. You are relieved. Until they start wanting to dress as the opposite sex. Whoa didn't see that one coming, did you?

Nothing can prepare you for this. It's uncharted waters. You're totally on your own. You have no idea what you're dealing with or how to deal with it.

You will learn a lot. About your child. About your spouse. About your friends. About your former friends. About how ugly people can really be.

But you will come out of it such a better person. You will be a more accepting, loving person. You will understand the struggles of others like you never could before.

You will also discover just how amazing people can be. You will meet new people who will make your life so much better. You will teach your other children what love and acceptance really is.

This chapter is still a work in progress. And probably always will be. Like most of the chapters in my life.

Chapter 4 "You Will Do Things You Never Thought in a Million Years You Would Do"

Besides a drunken night or two in college, I generally don't sleep in other people's urine. But that all changed when I became a mom. Now I do it almost nightly. If the bed is dry I just can't get comfortable.

I have used my pasta strainer to get poop out of the tub so that we can finish bath time without having to drain the last of the hot water. Think about that the next time you come to my house for a spaghetti dinner.

The very first time my oldest bled I didn't want to pick him up because I had a cute shirt on and didn't want to ruin it. He was about fifteen months old and terrified. But I wasn't about to ruin a perfectly good blouse. Nowadays I can get pooh on my shirt and find it perfectly acceptable to wipe it with a wet paper towel and be on my merry freaking way. What smell? I don't smell anything.

I have taken a drink out of a child's cup that has more food than beverage in it. But only because I was super thirsty. This is something I would have never thought myself capable of before kids. But that's what being a parent is all about.

In the end, nothing can ever prepare you for becoming a parent. Nothing. You can read all the books you want, seek all the expert advice you want, watch every movie ever made about parenting. But you just learn as you go. You learn from your experiences.

Although, I'm starting to realize that there are some things you never actually figure out. You just roll with it. I really believe that nobody knows what the hell they are doing. Just like me. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Read more by Eileen O'Connor at No Wire Hangers, Ever

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