Plutocrat (The Ballad of Bruce Rauner)

What do you give a guy who owns nine homes, made $60 million last year and wants to be governor of Illinois?



I decided to give him the gift of music.



After all, a guy who loves Wrangler jeans and Carhartt coats as much as Bruce Rauner does would probably enjoy blasting a good country song over the stereo in his 20-year-old van.







Plutocrat (The Ballad of Bruce Rauner)



VERSE 1

Some rich guys buy fancy cars

Some spend their money on old guitars

Some go in for private planes and boats



Well, I like houses -- I own nine

And I drink $6,000 wine

And I'm tryin' hard to buy your November votes



Yeah, my wristwatch cost me eighteen bucks

I wear Carhartt clothes when I hunt for ducks

And I even drive around in a beat-up van



But I'm a straight-up, blood-suckin' billionaire

Who hates payin' taxes for Medicare

And I bank in the Cayman Islands anytime I can



CHORUS

So, Springfield, get out the welcome mat

What this state needs is a plutocrat

A slashin', burnin', union-bustin' guy



I'll hammer and shake that capitol dome

Like it's a grandma stuck in a nursing home

Hey, grandma, it's time to say goodbye



VERSE 2

Well, I'm mighty proud of one thing I did

Tryin' to educate my suburban kid

I had Arne Duncan lend me a helping hand



He took my call without hesitatin'

Then my kid got a spot at Walter Payton

And I gave that school 250 grand



I want charter schools in every town

where the kids are poor and black or brown

You know I've even got a school named after me



And I could have sent my own kid there

But I'm a wealthy man, and it's only fair

That her school be largely white and bourgeoisie



CHORUS



VERSE 3

Now I know it's become the latest craze

But I try not to talk about marryin' gays

Social issues bring my numbers down



Same is true for reproductive rights

I don't want to pick any needless fights

I'll be a blank slate until I win that crown



I've got my own economic plan

But like HG Wells' "Invisible Man"

The details... well, they're mighty hard to see



And I do my best to avoid the stage

If they want me to talk about the minimum wage

'Cause I'd rather have those people work for free



CHORUS x2



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