Shark Week is here again -- and for us non-Shark Week folk, that means suffering through a week of people yammering on and on about how awesome Shark Week is. And it potentially means the death of thousands of otherwise rich and lively conversations about anything else it doesn't even matter what OMG.
You need to know how to defend yourself against a Shark Week fan, so pay attention, it could save your life.
Avoid eye contact!
Shark Week fans take eye contact as a sign of interest.
Don't thrash around!
If you see a Shark Week fan, don't move -- THEY SENSE MOVEMENT WITH THEIR EYES. If they see you moving, they'll identify you as another human being who they can discuss Shark Week with.
If you're spotted, get in a defensive position!
Resist the urge to stab or impale them!
Because then you'll go to prison. And not just for a week. You'll be experiencing Shark Life.
If you must attack them, go for the gills!
Note: Assume most die-hard Shark Week fans have had cosmetic surgery to get gills. They're super proud of these, so if you strike them here, they will probably leave you alone.
Fool someone into entering the conversation, so you can escape!
That might not seem nice, but you what? THE ANIMAL KINGDOM ISN'T NICE.
Void your bowels!
This is a final option, but they will go away.
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