You're Not Believable as a Love Interest

Photo by Joe Mazza at Brave Lux Chicago


I'm a stage actor based in Chicago. I've been a working actor for 10 years. I have been very lucky in my career in many ways. I have worked with and for incredible people. I have also heard this:

-- "You really need to lose some weight if you want a career."

-- "You won't work until you're 40, because you're never going to play the love interest, but after that you'll work a lot."

-- "You would need to lose 20 pounds for the role."

-- "You're not believable as a love interest."

-- "You should really wear more makeup, and show your cleavage more."

-- "We can work with your body type, but if you are serious about this career you need to have your nose and teeth fixed."

-- "You don't have a commercial body type."

-- "They told us you were smaller."

-- "I mean, you're good-looking, but you're not beautiful."

There is more. There is so much more. This is just a sample. For the last 10 years, I have been conditioned by my industry to hate my body.

Not all of the above things were said with malice. Most of those individuals thought they were helping or didn't even realize they had said something inappropriate. Some of them were helping, and did help me land a role I wanted. It doesn't change the fact that I, an average-sized woman have dealt with so much sizeism and sexism in one of the last industries where you can discriminate against someone because of how they look. And if I've dealt with it, I know others have and that some have it worse, way worse.

The statement that bothers me the most is "you're not believable as a love interest," because it's a damn shame. I have played the love interest before. Being believably in love with another human on stage just happens to be my specialty. (Also, I take issue with the term "love interest." Men are never referred to in that way, even if the woman is the lead. But that's a different fight for a different day.) Am I not right for the particular love story you're telling? Great. But to say that I am not right to ever love on stage ever? Horseshit.

I just did the casting for a local Equity musical, and we saw all types of women for the female lead. Three of the women called back for the role that weren't the typical "love-interest type" actually thanked us for seeing them for a role they would never normally be seen for. I'm so glad that it made them happy, but I'm so upset that this is an anomaly. We need to do better by them. We need to be braver. Those of us who affect casting decisions need to be as brave as the actors bearing their souls in front of us.

So how do we change the game? Artistic directors, casting directors, directors, anyone involved with casting... we have to do better. Not for me; I'm fine. I have become less interested in being a "cog in the machine" and more interested in becoming a part of the solution. But we need to do better for those who come after me.

We need to diversify. If you are involved in the producing process, ask yourself, "Does my show have specific plot points related to race?" No? Then you should think about looking outside the caucasian race.

"Does my show have specific references to body type?" No? Then you should be open to other body types.

"Are there some roles in my show that could possibly be re-allocated for women to play?" Yes? Then think about switching the genders of those roles. And don't forget the trans community, the disabled community, the community that brings you into a new perspective.

Be actively inclusive.

And, don't expect these different groups to just show up; seek them out, invite them, include them. Do your due diligence and make your company one they feel welcomed to be a part of. It's worth the extra work.

Theatres wonder how to stay relevant -- how not to die off once their main audience literally dies off. This is how. We need to start casting in a way that looks like the world that we live in. Casting predominantly white and male is antiquated. It doesn't fly anymore. If we don't change with the times, we will become irrelevant. And worse, it's uncreative in a creative art form. We have so many more types of stories to tell with so many more different types of people. Let's do better.

And as for me? I'm taking my body back from this industry. It hasn't been mine for 10 years. I will no longer lose weight for you. I will no longer try to mold myself into what I think you want me to look like. I will no longer starve myself for a quick weight loss to please you. I will no longer change myself in any way for you.

When I take all the pressure to change myself away and I take all the negative feedback away, I realize that I actually like myself. When I stop worrying that if I speak my mind people will not like me or worse... dun dun dun... they won't cast me, I like myself a whole lot. This is my New Year declaration.

Follow Harmony's escapades at her blog: With Harmony

Find Harmony on Facebook: Harmony France

This post originally appeared on With Harmony.

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