A New Kind of Valentine's Day

I am in a loving marriage of over 25 years, but I will admit it: I am not a fan of Valentine's Day. You've heard the criticisms before - it is a corporatized, money-mongering, manipulation of love. And, do most even know the origins of Valentine's Day? The Roman emperor Claudius, in preparing for battle, prohibited the institution of marriage based on his belief that men would fight harder and more valiantly if they were not distracted by marital ties, love and commitments. It was Valentine's defense of marriage that has become the basis of the eponymous romantic holiday celebrated this month.

Many couples insist upon celebrating the day, but it's time to change the conversation. As I reflect upon the hard work that goes into making a relationship healthy, fair, and safe, I recommit myself to standing up for those who suffer at the hands of intimate partner violence.

As cards are read and candy is eaten, twenty domestic violence abuses occur every minute. I cannot help but wonder, did the number of calls for dinner reservations outnumber the 20,800 hotline calls that are made on any average day? And that romantic evening many couples shared? Statistically, the most vulnerable hours for domestic violence are between 6 PM and 6 AM.

Not uncommonly, social problems do not get addressed effectively until the business community feels the pinch and pain on the profit and loss statement. It should interest business leaders that 8,000,000 paid days of work are lost annually due to domestic violence at a cost of $8.3 billion per year. When law enforcement, legal and medical costs are added to the lost productivity at work, that cost rises to $37 billion. These figures must awaken corporate partners to place greater attention and emphasis on the issue. When business leaders pool resources to address this challenge, the return on investment will impact every bottom line; lives will be saved; women will be safe from assault; and children will be spared the violence which so profoundly affects them in their youth and later in their lives.

Eve Ensler's 1996 play, The Vagina Monologues and iterations of it, often in production on college campuses and in theaters around the country on Valentine's Day, is just one example of reframing the holiday narrative. Among other issues affecting women and girls, performances in the play take on gender-based violence. Perhaps along with the flowers, cards, candy and dinners, we should all recommit ourselves on Valentine's Day, and every day, to continuing the work and develop a global strategy that addresses the complexity and pervasiveness of domestic violence. It is the heart of what matters.

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